Good People Beget Good People

So I’m thinking lately about the kind of parent I am/have been/will be.  Not necessarily in the mushy emotional way you might expect, but in a more pragmatic sense. As a parent, I think part of the reason I have not fallen into a state of self-loathing is because I’ve never really lost that part of me that really doesn’t like other peoples’ children. I still generally find most people’s children highly annoying…and I fully recognize that annoying children are generally a symptom of a disease I like to call “annoying parents”.

So, while I find that I can tolerate (and sometimes enjoy) the children of some of my closest and oldest friends…I find that most children are the obnoxious little pests that their parents have groomed them to be. I’m quite surprised by the fact that I have lost my tolerance for certain people whom I once felt quite fond of simply because of the kind of parent they are.

So my own parenting philosophy has evolved out of a desire to “put cool people into the world”. The goal of creating a “cool person” to set forth into the world seems like a worthy purpose. One might argue that is the whole point of parenthood but I think the whole “children as accessories” movement (which many of we the 20 something to 30 something crowd were born under) is still going strong amongst many of my peers. I make a concerted effort not to view my ability to produce a child as equivalent to my ability to purchase a plasma TV, but to create an interesting, humble, smart, and giving person…who will hopefully go off an create her own interesting, humble, smart, and giving little people.

I guess my point of this rant is that I’ve found an interesting sense of purpose in being someone’s dad. I imagine that it’s something my father never took the time to think about…and I imagine that it’s something few young parents ever think about because if you ask most people why they wanted/want children…once you wade through the fluffy bullshit answers about it being “the right time” or “something I’ve always wanted to do” (like skydiving or travelling to Peru?)…eventually you get to the core reason which is a selfish desire to obtain a child, much like the desire to own a large home, or a Lexus, or an iPhone, or an in-ground pool…at the core, I believe that most people have children because their friends and neighbors are doing it. Ask yourself…Why did my parents want to have children? I think the real answer will most often leave you feeling sad and empty.

So once most people have their child, that’s when that whole sense of “responsibility” sets in, but don’t get that sense of “responsibility” confused with the true desire to cultivate an amazing person…most often that sense of “responsibility” can be equated to the need to mow the lawn of that big house they’ve obtained, or keep cleaning that in-ground pool, or getting oil changes on that Lexus, or charging that iPhone when the battery runs low. I think this is the way most people treat parenting…like maintenance. They need to make sure their kid is fed, clothed, sheltered…teach them basic manners, rules, and norms so they don’t embarrass you in public. I don’t, however, think that most parents actually are conscious when it comes to raising their kids to become smart, thoughtful, humble, kind, honest, well adjusted people.

So my goal, however daunting as it may be is to be a conscious parent. To realize that the real sense of responsibility comes from a desire to make sure that the world is populated with good people and that your little person becomes one of those good people who add something to the world, who have something to offer…because good people beget more good people. So one year in I’ve developed this very lofty philosophy…perhaps it sound pretentious but I think if everyone strived for this, I would like the world a little bit more. There would be more to like.